the sad man

tears fall from my eyes, as i look down at my arm & reminess on the name tattooed on it. funny, crazy, mean, lovely and heavenly are all the types of quality everyone wishes they had in them, most of us dont. well i knew a women with such qualitys, her name was dolores marie chacon, or na-na to me. last time i seen her was dec 27th 2004, she was watching golden girls, laughing with my mom about something, i really cant remeber, but i wish i could go back in time to that very spot and hug her and cry to her about how much i miss her smile and her laugh, even her yelling and tell her how everything is different with her gone. You see the reason i would do all that is, because 4days later my nana would pass away, due to lack of suger, she was a diabetic. THat day i cant forget, you see i woke up with a smile because my dad promised me he'd let me spend that new years with my girl and her family. SO i got some clothes and just spent most of the day getting ready, then we went to my tia chris house because my mom wanted to see everyone before they went their own ways for the new year, but everyone was gone. My cousin nessa was the only one at home, lol they left her sleeping and when we got their she was on a marathon of FRIENDS, and my mom just talked to her and asked if she wanted to take the ride to drop me off with steph, she said yea . they dropped me off after a lecture on how i better not stay to late and get home early, hours later we were all watching t.v and eating and about 10:45, the phone rang, jaime my girls dad picked up the phone and walked out side, then 3min later came in with a weird look, but i payed no attention to it, i figured hes drunk but to my suprise he calls me to the hall way and hands me the phone, its my dad! james he says "something is wrong with your nana i think she fell, get to the hospital quick" then hung up then i look up and jaime is crying and goes and tells bertha (stephs mom) to take me to the hospital so we leave and steph sits with me in the back holding my hand, asking what happen, and bertha is driving faster then normal, at that time i thought she just fell shes ok, but once i get to the hospital i see all my familys cars, in the parking lot, and well i walk in and lety hugs me crying, saying nana is dead, i pushed away somewhat frustrated, more in shock then anything. WHAT..what are u talking about then i move further in the hall way and my tata is in a room with all my tias, CRYING, never in my life have i seen him cry until that day. then thats when i broke down to my cousion bryan saying thats my nana, wats wrong, no....noo...no..wats wrong with her. he just huged me crying, instead of celebrating with my family, we are all in a long white hall way with red eyes and sad faces,i leaned against a wall and slid down crying,with my cousion johnny and richard. My mom walks up to the door wher my nana is and says come on and we went in the room, my nana layed out on a bed, left for dead with tubes in her mouth and IV's still hooked up, i cryed with anger, touching her face softly saying get these tubes out her mouth, then susie walks in crying louder then ever, she was like the rest of us, feeling like we are in a nightmare that we havent woke up from yet, but it wasnt a dream. the doctors finally said we had to let her body get moved so we all went home or to my nanas house, my tia chris was in tucson with her family and some one called her husband and said get home, her husband chel didnt tell her wat happen just yet, he just said he didnt feel good and wanted to go home, and well a normal 2hour drive took a quick 1hr drive home and half way down the street, he told my tia your mom died crying, she was in so much shock when she got to my nanas house she didnt get out, but was screaming so loud u could hear her with the windows up. I couldnt believe the reality before my eyes, one day here next day gone. my mom didnt go to bed that night instead cryed, then told me about her , then kept crying. the funeral was hard, all the grand kids got called up by the priest because every christmas we sang to my nana and that year we were all doing are own things and so we didnt, but wen we all got up their we sang a christmas song....it was so hard ill never forget it.......i miss her i wish she would of been able to see my new born son or see me get married or even be their when i got in my accident but she isnt but shes still in my heart i miss u and love u.....